How do I suggest therapy to a friend?
This is a questions I hear often in my professional life and my personal life too. How do I get my friend/sibling/partner/parent into therapy? This is usually followed by statements of concern. This person is important to you, you are noticing some changes or your loved one is struggling. First, you are a good friend/family member because you are paying attention and want your loved one to find some relief. Second, it can be a tricky situation. In this post, we’ll look at some ways to bring up this topic.
PREPARE
Whenever bringing up a concern or recommendation to someone in our life, you never know how the person will respond. It is best to prepare for this conversation. Take sometime to reflect and write down your thoughts and concerns. In addition, be aware you never know how the person is going to respond. Your friend may be relieved you are brining this up to them. Going to therapy may have been on their mind and they may have been too scared to take action. Your friend may not where to find a therapist. This is an ideal situation. In some cases, your friend may respond in a defensive way or may start yelling. They may turn on you and make statements about your mental health. Ideally, once your friend calms down, they may return to have a conversation about this. Consider when you are going to bring up this topic. Discussing mental health at a work happy hour is not ideal. Bring up the topic at dinner at your house may be more ideal. Lots of important conversations happen on walks, driving in the car or on the phone. Yes these conversations may happen over text. Consider when and where you are bring this topic up.
SHARE
Part of your preparation is to reflect and jot some of your concerns down. You may feel nervous about bringing this topic up. Take a few minutes to review your notes. Take a few deep breathes or give yourself a pep talk. Again, be considerate of when and where you are sharing your concerns. The location and timing can impact how your loved one responds.
LISTEN, ASK and LISTEN AGAIN
Share your concerns and then be quiet. Listen to your loved one. Ultimately, the decision is up to your friend. In majority of cases, you can not force someone into therapy. If you friend is in agreement, ask questions if your friend needs help in finding a therapist. Ask your friend to reflect on what they want from a therapist. Do they have a preference on gender of their therapist? Do they want to sit on a couch across from a therapist? Maybe your friend would prefer to participate in telehealth due to their schedule, family commitments or anxiety about seeing a therapist in the same room. Everyone has a preference about using insurance. There are some people who will only see a therapist who accepts their insurance. Some clients want to pay out of pocket. Respect your friend’s reason to use insurance or not use insurance. Encourage your friend to find a therapist who specializes in the issue they want to address. For example, if someone contacts me about therapy, I am clear about my services. For example, if you need therapy for eating disorders, addiction or some personality disorders, I’m gong to refer you out. Finding a therapist requires some research. Take advantage of free consults. Lots of people are seeking out therapy right now so you may encounter waiting lists. Put your name on a list and keep looking.
FOLLOW UP
If you have a talk on Saturday, don’t follow up on Monday. Give your friend a chance. Ask again in a month or two. Your friend may surprise you and provide you with an update. Keep in mind you may have made the suggestion and had a good conversation with your friend AND they may not go to therapy. You shared your concerns and planted the seed. If the situation gets worse, bring it up again. Again, in most situations, your friend has to want to take action to seek help.
